How To Have A Nooner
You could use your lunch hour to grab some food, take a stroll and run a few errands. Or, you could utilize those sixty minutes to their full potential and plan a steamy shag session instead.
You’re probably thinking: Won’t my boss know? What if I don’t make it back on time? Do I have to go all the way home to make this happen? Where can I get away with doing it in public?
Luckily, you’re about to get the answers to all of those questions and more. Read on for the ultimate guide to getting it in on your lunch hour.
Pick A Location
Finding a place to get down and dirty all depends on proximity. If you work close to each other, sex expert Vanessa Marin suggests finding a private bathroom in one of your office buildings. “Look at emergency exit maps for clues to bathrooms you might not have known about before,” she says. “Have one of you go in first, then come up with a code knock that the second person can use to get in.”
Too chicken to do it at the office? “Rent a hotel room between your workplaces and rendezvous there,” Marin says. “You can always come back after work to get your money’s worth.”
If location allows, you can skip out on finding a meeting place all together and just head back to your place. “The thrill of being naughty during the workday will make your usual environment seem way more exciting,” Marin says.
Don’t go through all the necessary steps leading up to pound town only to discover that you’re fresh out of condoms. “Be prepared with your birth control, condoms and lube depending on your needs,” says sex therapist Dr. Kat Van Kirk. “There are easy and discreet ways to store all of these.”
Don’t Come Back Looking Messy
If you’re planning to get it on in a public location, Dr. Kat suggests having some toiletries on hand to help put yourself back together. “Deodorant, mouthwash, a hairbrush and hair product are a few suggestions,” she says. Make sure that you take a good look in the mirror before you return to the office. “Embarrassing ‘stains’ has been known to happen,” Dr. Kat says. “Sometimes it’s easier to explain a change in outfit than what that crusty substance on your shirt is.”
Keep Your Mouth Shut
Getting it in on your lunch hour is awesome, so you’re probably going to want to brag to your work buddies about it. Except don’t do that, because you really don’t want that information getting around to HR. “Talking about your sexy lunch time endeavors to the whole office could end up getting you in more trouble than you’d like,” cautions Dr. Kat.
Keep Track Of Time
Nothing kills the mood quite like a phone call from your boss asking why you’re not back at your desk yet, so make sure you’re timing your rendezvous accordingly. “Set a timer on your watch or phone,” Dr. Kat suggests. If you want to tag on some extra time, fake an appointment. “Tell your boss you’re going to a doctor or dentist appointment during your lunch hour,” Marin says. “It will give you more leeway in case you run late. Plus, no one will be expecting that you’d have access to your phone.”
Stock Up On Snacks
If you’re spending your lunch hour out of the office, it will look pretty suspect if you come back famished sixty minutes later. Or with a full meal that you suspiciously didn’t have any time to eat. “Keep snacks in your desk,” Dr. Kat recommends. “If you’re skipping lunch for something much more carnal, you’ll need sustenance.”
Do Everything But
If time just isn’t going to allow for you to go all the way, a quick meet up to tease each other before you can finally go all the way after work is a steamy way to utilize your lunch hour. “If you’re pressed for time, you can taunt each other with a passionate make-out session in the car, in a private conference room, or in a parking garage,” Marin says. “You’ll be dying to see each other when the workday finally ends.”